The Truth I Live In
by Hillary xoo
Summary: We finally gave into our feelings. It was too late. Now I'm moving. Will our love survive. LG.
1. The introduction to my truth

I don't know how it started, but we are pretty much our own worst enemies. There has always been that underlying sexual tension and we could probably never be just friends. Once puberty hit, it was pretty much a given we would get together. Too bad we never did. Sure we got together, just never dated. You can call me what you want, but I am not a slut. Yeah we sleep together on a regular basis, but he is my only one. I love him, I am in love with him. Is he? Well that's something I can not answer.

We are best friends. We fit together, and we barely ever fight. So why did we take this path? Maybe because we wanted someone to be there so we could relieve our sexual needs. Maybe just for comfort. I don't know. But these days I've been lonely. Ever since he came in the picture. Gordo hasn't been around much…

His name is Mitch. He is about 45. No its not what you think. In fact, its worse. See, he showed up after my parents split up. Yeah, my parents divorced. No one saw it coming, except maybe my mom. Mitch showed up right after they split, like 1 week. That was my first sign, my second came later. We were having dinner and he mentioned something along the lines of,

"Lizzie, what is it like growing up with your parents divorced?" That's when I knew the truth, my mom has been cheating on my dad. I don't blame Mitch, he is completely oblivious to the fact that they divorced 3 months ago. I like Mitch, a lot. He is fun to have around. I can't blame him, I blame her though. My mom. There is one thing that I blame Mitch for though

Luckily my dad didn't move to far away. He moved a couple blocks away. That, I am grateful for. Even better, he lives across the street from Gordo. At first this was a gift, we could sneak over each other's houses even easier, but sneakage became less frequent. I blame Mitch for this. My mom is too busy with her life to notice me anymore, and well my dad is oblivious to everything. Gordo and I could get away with it, but Mitch is just that observant. He knows everything about me, without knowing me. He knows everytime Gordo and I meet late at night. I get the feeling he and Gordo has a little chat. So for now I'll be Gordoless, but I swear those won't be my last words. I swear…


	2. Behind This Blonde Veil, Lies Truth Lies

"Oh Gordo!" I bellowed in a sing song voice through out his voice. I knew his parents weren't home, they were at a conference in some state. I didn't care.

"Hey, did I leave my bra here last night?" I walked up the stairs to his room.

"You really should lock your d-" I was cut off by opening the door and finding he wasn't alone in his room.

"Natalie." I said tried to keep the obvious distaste from leaving my mouth. I think I failed.

"Liz." Gordo scratched his head nervously as Natalie, his girlfriend, looked suspiciously from him to me.

"Um, did you say bra?" She gulped, probably holding back tears. Poor thing, not.

"Oh don't get your underwear in a knot. We didn't sleep together. Eww. I slept over and I don't like to sleep with my bra on. Besides you know I only like to sleep with your ex-boyfriend." I walked around his room coming upon my bra thrown in his closet in a haste to get our clothes off. Gordo chuckled at this comment knowing I never slept with Nick, Natalie's ex-boyfriend. Alright, it gets confusing at this point. See I am dating Nick, Natalie's ex-boyfriend, and Gordo is dating Natalie, Nick's ex-girlfriend.

"Oh ok, well I-er-have to leave. Mom wants me home." Natalie practically threw herself out of the house. Its not the first time this has happened and she always reacts the same.

Once she had left and was not coming back Gordo grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap.

"I've missed you so much. I'm sorry I haven't been around." He looked into my eyes and smiled.

"No need to explain. I know what goes on. Nick can be a little intimidating." I told him, knowing fully it wasn't Nick doing this.

"Nick? No, its M-I mean it's. Hmmm." He kissed me, but I pulled away.

"Don't listen to Mitch. He doesn't know what he's talking about." I smiled at his face as he looked at me with confusion.

"I thought, you thought, it was Nick." He tried running it through his mind.

"I know all." I tried sounding mysterious. I'd say it worked. Hah.

"Barely." He laughed and I hit him playfully. He pushed me back and we fell onto his bed, him on top of me. He kissed me gently.

"I've missed that for so long. I'm sorry." He kissed me again.

"Shh. Its alright. Just don't do it again." I smiled briefly and put my arms around him pulling him down, and kissing him hard.

"Mmmm Liz." He continued kissing me as his hand slowly slid up my shirt. How did we always end up like this?

Two Weeks Later

"Gordo, how did we end up like this?" I asked him, we lay in bed with only a sheet covering us.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"We're two teens, who are best friends, who can't keep our hands off eachother. We are cheating on our significant others, and they are cheating on us with eachother. It just doesn't make sense." It was true Natalie and Nick are seeing each other behind our backs. Amazingly though, we didn't care. Or rather not amazingly.

"I dunno, but I care about you Liz." I sat up, shocked at his answer.

"You do?" I asked not believing his words.

"Yeah." I smiled at his answer and kissed him.

_here the lights fall just as hard a bit softer in the stall  
__it's not really wrong it's not really right  
__I'm wide awake  
__she's upfront upshot upstart up in every case  
__the kind of girl that whispers thank god for you  
__oh yeah all you got/need is me  
__her confusion is in the night that I stumbled  
__it's in the morning that I that I struggled  
__because I start to forget but she will always remember  
__the kind of girl who laughs and says  
__get up off your knees  
__oh yeah ll you need/want is me  
__so you come and so you go  
__tell me how hard how fast  
__baby tell me how high I must go  
__tell me what you want and tell me what you need  
__tell me how hard how fast baby how high  
__I must go  
__oh yeah well all you need is me  
__this is the time of my life_

All That You Got-Tegan and Sara


	3. A new lie american style

2 months LATER!

I could have changed everything. I could have stopped this affair and maybe just maybe saved someone from a broken heart. Look at my dad he is broken up, he spends his time sitting at his house watching TV and moping around. He sucks at being a parent and now look at him. I see now looking back there were so many signs. Maybe if I was a little more caring, a little more interested, I could have seen the truth. I see my mom and can't stand her anymore. I see my brother, broken and young, he will never be the same. I see myself, hollow and alone, building walls. I see my dad, alone again alone. I should have seen it. I would have if I didn't care so much about myself.

I should have known from the beginning. He was giving me all the signs. I mean what more could he do? I am so oblivious. I almost had him. But, I guess its my fault.

1 week earlier

I sat in my room doing my homework. Then the phone rang.

"Hello?" I tried to not sound annoyed as they broke my train of thought. AHHHHH! WRATH OF LIZZIE. Sorry, I got really mad.

"Liz?" A deep voice asked. I tried my best not to sigh. This was sooo not a good time nick.

"Yeah?" I tried expressing that I didn't want to talk with my voice. He definitely didn't get it. MEN!

"We need to talk." I rolled my eyes and just stared at the all.

"Okay." I sighed into the phone.

"Look I think we need to b-break up." His voice trembling. He is always the guy to be afraid to hurt someone else's feelings. Total turn on, or turn off, if you look at it.

"What?" My eyes growing wide with tears. Its not like I cared, it's the fact that he broke up with me.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now. Bye." He made it so final, and I could tell he didn't want to. I felt so bad. It must have been something I did.

"Bu-" I heard that click and knew it was over.

"Lizzieee. We need to talk." My mom practically shrieked up to me. Great just what I need her screaming and talking. This day is turning into the best. Not….

"COMING." I screamed perfectly replicating her tone of voice. I walked down the stairs slowly. I didn't know what was coming, but I figured it couldn't be good. I saw matt, Mitch, and her sitting there staring intently at me. What am I some art exhibit? STOP STARING. I self consciously sat down on the nearest chair, and they just stared. STARED.

"So." I coughed uncomfortably as they just stared. My mom opened her mouth and closed it. Mitch took this as a sign for him to do the talking. He does have a way with words sometimes…

"We are well, uh we um." Yeah, just spit it out. You aren't doing much by just sitting there trying to get it out. I've got homework to do.

"Just spit it out. I have homework to do." Okay so that came off harshly, but seriously my attention span is like nothing.

"We are moving, to New York." I think my mouth dropped to the floor. So homework is totally not my first priority anymore. SHIT!

"No we aren't" My eyes started tearing up and I ran up to my room and locked the door. I am lucky I have a bathroom attached to my room because next thing I know I was throwing up a bundle.

Present

I stayed home that whole week. I kept throwing up and never came out of my room. I know Gordo was worried he called all week, but I couldn't. I couldn't talk, I was miserable. I am looking out the window and a thunder storm is brewing. Someone is doing something to my door. Why is it coming of its hinges.

"What are you doing to my door." I sat on a chair screaming at my mom. She looked surprised at my face. I looked like hell. My eyes were swollen, I had lost weight, I was pale. Lets just leave it at that.

"Liz." I ran out just as the rain started coming down and the first clap of thunder sounded. I just ran. I ran wherever I was going. I ended up at Gordo's house, go figure. I rang his doorbell and he answered.

"Lizzie, Oh god, Lizzie." He saw me and gave me a hug. It was the most comforting thing in the world, so why did it feel so, so, wrong?

"Gordo, I'm moving. I just came to tell you." I kept strong not a tear fell out of my eyes. The rain was enough.

"You…no you can't move." He hugged me tighter.

"I have to go." I moved back but her tugged on my arm.

"No, I won't let you." I took his hand off my arm.  
"Please Gordo, I came to tell you. I really need to go home." He grabbed onto my arm again and kissed me this time. Not to get me in his bed, I could feel how much he wanted me with him. I freaked to say the least.

"No Gordo, first Nick breaks up with me, and then my mom tells me I'm moving. This is hell so just leave me alone. I just want to be alone." I started out yelling but by my last word it was a whisper. I saw the pain across his face, but right now, I just couldn't cope.

"Fine, you wanna be alone? Be alone." He closed the door and I just walked down on the curb and sat. I cried in the rain. The thunder was loud, and for once in my life I didn't care. I was alone. I sat there for 3 minutes when I heard the door open.

"Lizzie." He ran towards me fast as lightening. He picked me up off the ground and stood up.

"I swear I won't lose you Liz. I love you, and I can't lose you. I am nothing without you. You know I am. I don't care about anyone else. I want you. All of you." I kissed him hard on the lips. Right there in the rain. I didn't care that it was thundering. I knew I had him. I knew he loved me and I loved him. We somehow ended up on his bed and for the first time we truly made love. This time we made it for real.

_"We've got to get better," I said, "It's all in your head."  
We could live through these letters or forget it all together  
See the months they don't matter it's the days I can't take  
When the hours move to minutes and I'm seconds away _

Just ask the question come untie the knot  
Say you won't care, say you won't care  
Retrace the steps as if we forgot  
Say you won't care, say you won't care  
Try to avoid it but there's not a doubt  
And there's one thing I can do nothing aboutIf chasing our dreams is just a distraction  
I want to remember when I know that I can't go back

Just ask the question come untie the knot  
Say you won't care, say you won't care  
Retrace the steps as if we forgot  
Say you won't care, say you won't care  
Try to avoid it (try to avoid it) but there's not a doubt  
There's one thing I can do nothing  
There's one thing I can do nothing  
There's one thing I can do nothing about.

_New American Classic-TBS _(I know I took some lyrics out. Sorry)

"Gordo?" I whispered into his ear.

"Yeah?" He kissed my forehead.

"Say you won't care." He looked at me thinking.


	4. We're meant to be, the lies we weave

**A/N this story will only be 3 more chapters, including this one. There MIGHT be a sequel. We'll just see how I end this.**

I was moving tomorrow. A week had passed since Gordo and I had finally let out our confessions. We clung to the moments we had together. But, everything is ending tomorrow. Everything we've worked for, everything we've sacrificed to be friends, all boils down to the moment we say goodbye.

I tried to stay with my dad, but my mom said no. Plus, he was moving with us. Sort of, he would be in New Jersey. I guess you could say there was no escape, but I had one last trick up my sleeve…

I sorted through Gordo's room just looking. He was silently sleeping in bed. I was fingering my favorite necklace that never left my neck. It was a simple heart that Gordo had given me when we were younger. I clung to it, remembering everything we had gone through. Silent tears formed at my eyes.

"Liz, come back to bed." I jumped at the sound of his voice. He was sitting up staring at me. He told me I was beautiful all the time, but this tear stained face was anything but that. He saw my tears and jumped up. He hugged me and I hugged him back. I closed my eyes, but I opened them when I felt his presence gone. I watched him walk to his dresser and pull out a box. He then opened it up with such care. He saw me looking and turned his body so I could not see. I hate when he does that

"I know this is hard for you. But, I need to give you this. I am not tieing you down, just our friendship. If this, what we have, doesn't work out, I want to atleast be your best friend." He held up the prettiest ring I had ever seen. It held one small stone, but it was more than I could ever want. More tears came down my face as he tried to slip it on my right hand. I yanked it away.

"Lizzie?" He asked confused.

"I want you and only you." I held out my left hand and he put it on my ring finger. I knew this was right. I slowly took off my necklace.

"This is for you." I took his hand and put the necklace in it. I closed his hand and held it there.

"I bought that for you. It is yours." He told me looking into my eyes.

"I know. Put this in the box I gave you for your birthday last year. You will never know what wonders you might find there." I smiled as he looked at me confused but did as he was told.

"I need to go. I'm sorry but this is the last time we will see eachother. I am leaving early tomorrow morning and for the rest of the day I have to be with matt. Here read this." I handed him a note. "after I leave tomorrow. Don't ask, don't think. Just do what ever comes to mind first.

_this is our last goodbye  
I hate to feel the love between us die  
but it's over  
just hear this and then I'll go  
you gave me more to live for  
more than you'll ever know_

_this is our last embrace  
must I dream and always see your face  
why can't we overcome this wall_

_kiss me, please kiss me  
but kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation  
you know it makes me so angry 'cause I know that in time  
I'll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye_

_did you say "no, this can't happen to me,"  
and did you rush to the phone to call  
was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind  
saying maybe you didn't know him at all  
you didn't know him at all, oh, you didn't know_

_well, the bells out in the church tower chime  
burning clues into this heart of mine  
thinking so hard on her soft eyes and the memories  
offer signs that it's over... it's over_

_Last Goodbye-Jeff BuckleyA/NAmazing song._

**The NEXT DAY**

So here I am on the plane, wondering what Gordo is doing. Is he going to come? I just don't know anymore..

GORDOS POV. A/N hah. For once.

I know Lizzie's plane left so now I can read this note. I stayed up all night staring at it. So here goes everything.

_ Dear Gordo,_

_I love you and there is one thing you don't know. Just look where my heart is and you will find all you need to know. I swear I love you.._

_ Love, Lizzie_

I stood there confused. I hate when she throws curve balls. I tried to figure out what she meant then came to a realization.

"HER HEART." I screamed and nearly threw myself into my bed as I hurled across my room to that box. I scrambled to open it and found the heart. I dumped everything out onto my bed. I searched through everything, but nothing made sense. I numbly looked over the box.

"Maybe its not whats in the box, but the box itself." I whispered aloud. I turned it over and realized what was so different about the box. The bottom was too thick. I saw a hole in the bottom and found the bottom came off. There was a small note inside.

"Liz stop with the notes." I thought aloud.

Maybe someday you'll find what you've been looking for. For today though don't give up. Chase everything and take it for your own. Don't give up on what you know.

I instantly jumped up and got a bag from my room. I was doing what she said…

**NEW YORK. LIZZIES POV. 2 days have passed.**

I flopped out my bed surround by boxes. I guess he wasn't coming. I had hoped he would. Maybe I just didn't know him as well as I thought I did. I went over to the only opened box and took out his picture. I neglected to see the figure standing in the corner. I lay down on my bed and cried while looking at his picture. He was all I knew and he was gone. We started something we couldn't finish. I love him. I slowly started to sing a song I wrote.

Lost alone scared of what I might not know  
Cry out lost in darkness faded out  
Dieing withering in the dark of a faded sunset

Who said life was going to be fun  
Who said that love would last  
But I am lost

Dream oh dream somewhere they can't find you  
Don't let me down I'll find you I'll need you

Lost in sadness we find ourselves caught up in the fight  
Lost in darkness and I almost had you

You're so far away from my heart  
I can't reach to grab your hand

"You know, I miss you that much too." I jumped at that voice. That voice I heard everyday since I left. I fantasized about hearing that voice. I wondered if it was true. I turned and saw him come out of the shadows. His smile was worth everything.

"Gordo." I squealed consuming him in a hug and shower his face with kisses. We kissed so feverishly, like we had been away from eachother for more than two days.

"I thought you weren't coming." I told him after we stopped kissing.

"I would do anything to be with you." He held up his bag. Did he actually know me that well?

"C'mon lets go." He grabbed my hand. I threw as many things I could into my bag.

"Do you have any money?" I asked as I was haphazardly throwing stuff around.

"Enough to get started. Do you?" He helped me pack.

"Yeah. My mom gave me a lot of cash to buy clothes and I can withdraw from the bank." I turned around and gave him a lingering kiss.

"I love you." He grabbed my hand as I was finished packing.

"I love you too." We silently crept down the stairs where I threw a note for my family in the kitchen and we left holding hands.

Cause everybody knows that we are meant to be  
But nobody will let us be free  
Cause everybody knows that we are meant to be  
So why can't we be free

So many broken hearts lie in this day  
Holding out for a life that will never be  
And I have lost myself in your eyes  
Your smile your shining face

And I've lost so many times now  
But you've always picked me up  
So stay around for me and  
It will be ok

Cause everybody knows that we are meant to be  
But nobody will let us be free  
Cause everybody knows that we are meant to be  
So why can't we be free


	5. The mistakes we were making, well they w...

I don't know how it happened. We somehow ended up in Philadelphia. Now 1year later, I am sitting in my apartment staring out this bleak window. It tears me apart, breaks me in two. He is gone. He had managed to get a good filming job right off the bat, and now he is gone. Just 1 year later, he is successful, and has everything he ever wanted. I can't complain, I've got this singing career. Its almost fully blown up. I'm pretty well known. Infact I have a concert tonight in Philly. I heard that he is here. Maybe he will be there. I doubt it.

So I suppose you are wondering how this break up came about. I can't really say we are actually broken up. It was never really said, it just happened. We grew a part. I miss him everyday, but I guess that is what you get…

My parents did eventually find me, but by that time I was 18, and they couldn't do anything. I can't sit and think about him without crying. I just hope he will be there tonight, because I've got a new song. He always was my critic for songs. I haven't written a new once sense he left…

**At The Concert**

I'm getting ready now. I'm nervous as anything, but that's what you get. I'm walking on stage my legs shaking. It seems to take forever to get to the mic. I sit on the stool and strum my guitar to warm up. My lips are dry and I breathe in. My breath catches in my throat. There he is. Front row, just staring… He smiles at me and I raise me eyebrows. He tugged at his ear, our signal. Whenever either of us had to present something at school, or anything in front of a crowd, during a family dinner, we would pull our ears. I tugged at mine and smiled. Maybe he will understand me…

So its over drawn in red blood on the wall  
Could it be over if didn't take that road  
And so we danced to a new beat and we danced  
And we cried to a new melody and we cried

And its okay I know you well  
And if you say you're not working this out  
I know you just need to move on  
Don't, don't let me let you make a mistake  
Work it out, but don't be the break

We missed out on all the plans life had for us  
We didn't care we had it all we thought we had it all  
And so we tried to bleed our hearts out into love  
And so we didn't make it, I don't care, we gave it our all

And its okay I know you well  
And if you say you're not working this out  
I know you just need to move on  
Don't, don't let me let you make a mistake  
Work it out, but don't be the break

And this is me calling out for you  
Just come back, I know this is true  
And I can't deal, I didn't put up a fight  
I know you know

You sorted it out, out  
You put it all on a list, on a list  
And you took it down  
You made it okay

And its okay I know you well  
And if you say you're not working this out  
I know you just need to move on  
Don't, don't let me let you make a mistake  
Work it out, but don't be the break  
Cause you know I can never forgive this  
This is your final take  
This is final, your final mistake

your final mistake-mee!

Eventually it ended, and I was free to go backstage. I walked into my dressing room only to find him there…smiling. Or is it smirking?

"What are you doing here? How did you get back here." I was shocked and confused. There was nothing he could say to ease this pain.

"I came to say hi, and I guess when you are a film director you …" He trailed off at my sudden mood change when he mentioned his job.

"Hi…bye." He came closer to me but I walked further into my room brushing past him.

"Liz, c'mon." He tried reasoning with me.

"Oh don't start." I glared at him while I washed my face in the bathroom.

"Well what am I supposed to do?" He questioned and threw his hands up in the air.

"There is nothing you can do. Do you know how much you hurt me?" I looked up at him and dried my face.

"You think I wasn't hurt. Liz I left my life for you. I loved you. I still do." He came closer to me.

"You have a shitty way of showing it. You just left Gordo. You left." He tried to grab my hand but I pulled away.

"I thought you wanted me to. It wasn't like you were putting any effort into us." He turned around and started pacing.

"I haven't written a song since you left. I finally wrote one song. I finally started getting over you. And now you are back. God Gordo, its not fair. I don't think I can ever get over you." Tears started falling down my face. He came closer and I let him hold me. I never forgot what it was like in his arms. I thought I would never get another chance.

"I came back to tell you I was sorry. I was so stupid. They kept telling me, I had to leave, and I couldn't bring you. And you, you were so caught up in singing…I just. I didn't think you loved me anymore. I was going to write you a letter, saying everything, but every time I tried to write, I couldn't. There were so many things I wanted to say. I came back for you. I was hoping you would forgive me. I'm filming this new film here, so I can be with you. And, if you don't want me now, I've got at least 6 months to get you to love me. I love you so much, Liz. It hurts how much I love you." I looked up at him, looking into his eyes, searching for answers. His eyes were welling up with tears. So I did the only think I could think of. I kissed him and believe me it was worth the wait.

We kissed the hell out of each other. Everyday we were apart was made up with kisses. We would have gone farther, but people kept barging in.

"Gordo?" We finally stopped kissing.

"Yeah?" He looked at me and smiled.

"Come home…" He just started kissing me all over again, and who was I to stop him?

tell me what you thought about  
when you were gone and so alone  
the worst is over  
you can have the best of me  
we got older but we're still young  
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

here we lay again  
on two separate beds  
riding phone lines  
to meet a familiar voice  
and pictures drawn from memory  
we reflect on miscommunication  
and misunderstandings  
and missing each other too  
much to have had to let go

we turn our music down  
and we whisper  
say what your thinking right now  
tell me what you thought about  
when you were gone and so alone  
the worst is over  
you can have the best of me  
we got older but we're still young  
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

jumping to conclusions  
made me fall away from you  
i'm so glad that the truth  
has brought back together me and you

we're sitting on the ground  
and we whisper  
say what your thinking outloud

tell me what you thought about  
when you were gone and so alone  
the worst is over  
you can have the best of me  
we got older but we're still young  
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

we turn our music down  
and we whisper  
we're sitting on the ground  
and we whisper  
we turn our music down  
we're sitting on the ground  
and next time i'm in town  
we will kiss girl  
we will kiss girl

tell me what you thought about  
when you were gone and so alone  
the worst is over  
you can have the best of me  
we got older but we're still young  
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont  
feeling that we cant  
we're not ready to give up

we got older but we're still young  
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

Best of me-Starting Line…

A/N only one more chapter until the end of the story…


End file.
